Kung si Clark Kent ay lalaking bakal, ako naman yata ay naging babaeng platinum — platinum blondina ang hairlalu dahil mej tumbling lola mo habang pinapanood ang pelikulang itey at namuti ang strands kesh. Read na lang then weep if you want. I laughed to keep myself from weeping. Or actually I tweeted, as usual. Kaya hanapin niyo na lang ang mini-reviews ko via the hashtag I use – #filmmiron – if you’re on Twitter.
MAN OF STEEL (2013)
p. Christopher Nolan and some dudes
c. Henry Cavill, Amy Adams and many others
Pitch: Yet another retelling of the Superman mythology but this time, in a kinda bleach bypassed type of look you do in celluloid film if you want the bleak-type look then pepper it with many homages to other films we already saw with storylines already done before… oh wait that’s the catch pala suri pu.
Catch: See above. Plus that darn five o-clock shadow. And those curly curlies sa dibdib. Wall to wall carpet lang ang peg ni Clark Kent pare. Yaya, pahiramin nga ‘yan ng razor, ‘yung Gillette para close shave.
Nakakatamad i-review ito ng bongz. basahin niyo na lang kaya ang Twitter feed ko while I was watching it?
When I tweet while watching a film, it’s a sure sign na the film doesn’t work for me.
But what the hey. I wanted to go back to reviewing films again in this space so I decided to start with this one. And this one talaga kasi I like comic book films. Like other geeks out there who grew up with the superheroes mythology of American pop culture, the superdude is a big deal. And whosoever touches this material should better have a good reason for making us suspend our disbelief that Christopher Reeve will no longer play Superman anymore, for good, forever.
Yeah sure, you’ll say that we’re just a bunch of old fogeys and geezers and tandercats for harping on how we miss Chris Reeve as Superman. But he really embodied the quintessential all-American pretending-to-be-bungling-pero-cute-pa-rin hero who could save the world and sacrifice his superpowers for the love of Lois Lane. So many reincarnations have already happened. Who could also forget Lois and Clark ba ‘yun, the TV series kung saan sumikat si Dean Cain. Not really so keen on that one myself. My favorite still remains the reworking of the story arc of Superman as a teenager in Smallville. Okay, so it’s full of homoerotic tension between Clark and Lex Luthor, fine. Biased ako. And oo kras na kras ko so Kristine Kreuk who played the kick ass Lana Lang. Oo na biased ako fine. But the story is what got me. Talagang hinimay nila kung bakit-paano-saan-kailan naging superhero si Clark, journey kung journey pare. Plus the fact na creative sila sa paggawa ng weekly kalaban who always turned out to be some ordinary person affected by the green rock meteor shower a.k.a. kryptonite. Saya lang teh. Kahit ‘yung evolution ng kulay ng damit, from small hirits like “Blue looks good on you” and all that. Brilliant writing, that show.
Now as to this film, hmmm… where do I begin pare. First off, it was shot like a pa-art-eh indie film that sometimes, you like it for those portions but if you stitch it up together with the big-budget CGI SFX bang-a-rangs, wala na, misplaced. And that’s what makes this film uneven. Some moments it was trying to be story-felt indie, some moments it was trying to outdo Transformers in all things effects — editing, computer graphics, visuals, even sound! Ano sinabi ng nagkakalansingang bakal to bakal mode ni Michael Bay pare! Eh taong bakal nga ito eh, nubeh talo kayo dyan teh. Yun na. So needless to say, pagkalabas ko ng sine, kelangan kong magtaktak ng tenga to check if I still have inner ear balance. Okay meron pa naman, thankz godz. Release the kraken!!! Or the world engine pala, sabi ni Zod. Whatevs.
I won’t comment on the seemingly miscast people here, from Jor-el to Kal-el to Lois Lane to Jonathan Kent. Si Diane Lane lang yata ang tumpak na embodiment ni Martha Kent pare. The rest, ewan ko, go find other films to star in na lang, pwede? As for the story, I don’t know if it was a good thing that the makers just lazily banked on the stock knowledge of the audience of a man in a red and blue suit from Krypton who could fly and save earthlings. So they took the liberty of amp-ing up the usual approach of how Clark as a boy and teen felt misplaced with some kind of unexplainable multi-sensory neuroses which, of course, we all knew na development of Kryptonian superpowers itey. But poor tormented bullied Clark. Just because his all-American farmer dad didn’t want him to expose himself to the world, binata superdude still just kept his anger management in tow even if he was being bullied na as an adult. Yeahhhhh I think the film was subtly about anti-bullying, n’est-ce pas? Pero creative ‘yung tiis-the-bullying eklavu dahil may payoff palang character bubog ‘yun — na dahil ayaw ni padir na may-I-show-off si Clark ng superpowers, nadeds si padir at guilt trip galore si junakis dahil wala siyang ginawa to save his daddy-o. K. Sige. More neuroses. I think the writers want this psychologically-driven Superman to become regular screening fare sa mga psychiatric conventions, methinks. But that’s just me pare.
Pero ang hindi creative ay an incessant need to have plot dump after plot dump of stuff to use as exposition, then the expository dialogue after expository dialogue technique of revealing info that looked and sounded so trite kaya naho-hohum ka na lang at naghahanap ng kakapitan ng audiovisual senses mo para itawid ang kuwentong ito. Ganun. Na meron naman, panaka-naka. Pero minsan, obvious kaya nakaka-hagikhik din. Like sume-semiotics lang ang meaning ng “messianic complex” discourse sa simbahan shots where Clark was discussing things with some priest at backdrop niya ang stained glass image ni Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane thing. O siyah! Pagbigyan.
I guess in a way, people like this approach because it’s a far cry from your usual comic book film fare nga. Oh well papel, kanya-kanyang chever na lang. I just wish that they could brainstorm this film better. Watching it, I kinda see like a minimum of 10 homages to old films we’ve all seen before. Hindi creative ang mish-mash of stuff. Like sa umpisa pa lang, when I saw the babies in the pod thangs, yoiks Ghost In The Shell-slash-The Matrix isdatchu??? Now ko lang narinig ang “first natural birth in centuries” storyline sa mythology na ito. Then the overtaking of earth, hohum, nagawa na ‘yan sa Transformers Dark Side of the Moon teh. Then the overall look and feel of Krypton, parang mash-up siya ng Star Wars meets Aliens meets Avatar in black. Don’t get me started when Lois Lane made like Ripley there at one point man. Sigourney Weaver did you see that???
Wala, masyadong maraming talun-talon and narrative loopholes ang pelikula kaya kailangan pa siyang i-tighten. Yah, as tight sana as superdude’s new jazzed up tights. Ewan, kahit ‘yun nga, di in-explain. “What does that S mean?” “In my planet, it means hope.” “In this planet, it’s an S.” HOMAYGAD KILLMENOW!!! Pwede bang mag-apply as script dialogue doctor teh??????? Hashtag laslas.
Ok sige sa susundo na lang. Intayin natin ang iba pang comic book films. Baka mas masaya pa ‘yun. K?